Facilitator's Newsletter June 2004

Hello everyone,

This is the last Newsletter before Carole starts her maternity leave on July 1st. She'll be back in the office on September 15th. Karen and Kate will be holding down the fort and dealing with any questions or needs you may have.

We continue to have monthly Facilitator Conference Calls. The next is scheduled for June 24th at 11:00 AM EST - although there is a suggestion to push it back one hour. Please e-mail kzehr@sfcg if you'd like to participate or to comment on the best time for this call. These calls are a good opportunity to exchange lessons learned and ideas as well as keeping in touch as a community.

We have gathered a whole series of statistics about both the cost of badly managed conflicts and the results achieved through different conflict resolution programs and processes. This information will be soon available in the form of a brochure that you will be able to distribute to your participants. In the mean time, we thought you'd find these figures interesting and useful. Click here to download document.

Now, here's what's happening on the Conversations About Conflict front. Thank you for always keeping us informed of your activities.

New York, NY: Roberta Markowitz had to undergo surgery and therefore the Conversation planned in Mt. Kisco had to be postponed. We wish her a speedy recovery. Kathy Vaughan will be facilitating a Conversation on June 10th with the staff, family and friends of her mediation center in Staten Island. This will be a good test to see if the general public is willing to join a Conversation on the basis of a flier. If you are planning a Conversation in New York, please contact Kathy Vaughan, at 718-815-4557 ext. 25 or kvaughan@nycid.org for any support you may need.

North Carolina: Maggie Sloane, an independent mediator and consultant, is interested in becoming a facilitator. She joined our last Facilitators Conference Call and will be in touch with the Chapel Hill group that was active until recently. Welcome to the team Maggie, we look forward to hearing more from you.

Other News
As a result of a presentation given by Laurie McCann and Eleanor Funk at an ombuds conference in Tucson, Ariz. about twenty people got in touch with us to hear more about the Conversations. Out of the twenty, four or five have plans to organize a Conversation shortly. We are looking forward to see them experience the tool and becoming active members of our little community.

Anyone who would like to discuss doing a similar presentation, please contact your area coordinator or Nick Oatley at noatley@sfcg.org. We have Laurie and Eleanor's presentation agenda and copies of the overheads that they used which can be provided.

At the Brooklyn College Conversation, the question of the cultural dimension of conflict was raised as the participants came from very diverse ethnic backgrounds. During the Facilitators Conference Call, a number of suggestions were made, including:

• Provide examples of how different cultures deal with conflict and discuss them during the Conversation.



• Note conflict resolution mechanisms found in traditional cultures.



• Welcome the question and let the group deal with it, rather than try to answer it directly.



• Note that conflict resolution provides other strategies that a culture might find helpful (ie sometimes it is a good thing to challenge the established culture).



• Acknowledge that there are limits in using a conflict resolution approach especially when dealing with social justice issues.



• Some participants tend to think of examples where the conflict resolution will not work, challenge them or ask the group to think of all the times where it would work.



• Ask what is the most appropriate way to respond the conflict at this time? Are there times you could use a collaborative approach and at other times use another approach (ie use a combination of tools and approaches)?



• Don't pass judgment on people's preferences rather challenge them to think in terms of costs and consequences of their choices.

We hope you will find these suggestions helpful.

Enjoy the summer heat.

Warm Regards,

Carole, Karen and Kate

Search for Common Ground
The Conversations About Conflict
1601 Connecticut Ave NW - Suite 200
Washington DC 20009 USA
Tel: 202 572 6289
Fax: 202 232 6718
noatley@sfcg.org
www.sfcg.org
http://www.sfcg.org/resources/training/resources_conversation.html

Some Conversation About Conflict "Success Stories"
During its first start-up year, twenty-two Conversations About Conflict were held in seventeen locations throughout the US with more than 360 participants. Below are a few stories that people have shared about how the Conversation About Conflict has impacted them.

• A psychotherapist with more than 20 years in the field said that she had a profound insight during the Conversation about a personal issue with which she had been grappling for years. Having time to reflect on it at a different level made a huge difference for her.



• The day after participating in a Conversation, a woman met with the contractor renovating her house. He told her that there was going to be yet another delay. She remembered the concept of Choice and instead of blowing up at him, asked for a minute or two to step away. Focusing on how to move forward, they then had a very productive conversation, which led to greatly improved communication and a real sense of partnership to complete the project.



• A participant had a running disagreement with his business partner. During the Conversation, he was very excited to suddenly see new options open up, a way to break the vicious cycle they'd been trapped in for months.



• A woman with a young child was getting very little sleep, both from her child awakening during the night and her husband coming to bed late, after promising her he'd join her soon. After participating in a Conversation, she was able to let go of her anger at her husband and focus on the "real" issue: how to get enough sleep.
  
  "I was energized by the dialogue. I am excited about the possibilities for the CAC. My sense is the participants emerged with new perspectives on conflict and ways to evaluate (or even improve) their personal conflict styles. I saw much learning as we worked through the Conversation…I went back and looked to the promotion pieces on the CAC. I now see that our group better understands the role of conflict in our society. You created a new awareness of conflict and of the choice we have between adversarial and cooperative approaches. Learning objective success!" Attorney and trainer after participating in a Conversation.

Setting up Conversations About Conflict
We are learning a great deal about what works and what doesn't in certain settings. We initially said that the possibilities for Conversation venues are endless - and we still believe that they are, but it is more effective to target some specific audiences first and then build out. The following groups are those who may be the easiest to approach:

• Churches/synagogues/interfaith groups - Many religious entities already have an interest and are looking for programs that can make a difference. Most of them have committees or groups of congregants who meet regularly. Riverside Church in New York for instance has formed a committee to set up Conversations in the community.



• Possible Approach: With news constantly inundating us about conflict throughout the world, it's an opportune time to look at conflict in our own backyards - in our homes, workplaces and communities. While we may feel powerless to influence what's happening around the world, we can very directly influence how conflict is handled in our own lives and environments and make a difference for ourselves and others.



• Chambers of Commerce, Rotary Clubs, etc. - These groups have weekly or monthly meetings, where a short presentation about the Conversations can be made (they are very limited in their programming time). If they express interest, a Conversation can be set up as a separate event or as part of their leadership program. We can put you in touch with facilitators who have had some experience in approaching the business sector.
  
  Possible Approach: 65% of work performance problems are due to chronic unresolved conflict. Being aware of conflict and how we handle it between management and staff and with coworkers and customers is critical for leadership success.



• College/university classes, organizations (including graduate students) and faculty - There is a natural inclination in academic settings to explore these kinds of issues. Classes, if not too large in size, provide a nice forum, although you need to know that since it's not really voluntary to attend, you may have a few resistors. Also, some student organizations (students for change, ministry groups, leadership groups, etc.) are good vehicles as well. Conversations were held at George Mason, Georgetown and Hofstra Universities.
  
  Possible Approach: Successfully dealing with conflict is one of the most important skills needed for achieving in a job. A Conversation supports participants in dealing with current conflicts that they may be experiencing with family, friends or teachers as well as helps prepare them for the work scene.



• Conflict resolution practitioners and related organizations - We have done a number of these in various locations. All have been successful. Present the Conversation as a tool to make their work and services better known. Ask them to take off their professional hat and participate at a personal level, they'll be surprised to still get insights even if they've been working in the field for years. Also, conflict resolution organizations can be as riddled with conflicts as any other!

What participants need to know in advance:

• the Conversation is free and open to all



• the Conversation is an opportunity to explore the way we deal with conflict, as individuals, as a community and as a society - it won't focus on one issue in particular



• the Conversation is not affiliated with any religious or political agenda



• the Conversation is not a training workshop



• the date, venue, times and sponsoring organization or individual facilitator

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