Facilitator's Newsletter May 2004

Hello everyone,

There's a lot of activity this Spring, as many of us are experiencing! The first news is that we have updated our website. As most of you said that you benefited from a connection with Search for Common Ground (SFCG), all the information about the Conversations About Conflict is now on our main website instead of a separate one. You can check it out at: http://www.sfcg.org/resources/training/resources_conversation.html. Every month, we will post the latest Newsletter, and we will add other new features as we go along.

We're still looking for any feedback on the new Facilitator Guide format, so please let us know what you think!

We continue to have monthly Facilitator Conference Calls. The next is scheduled for May 27th at 11:00 AM EST. Please e-mail kzehr@sfcg if you'd like to participate. These calls are a good opportunity to exchange lessons learned and ideas as well as keeping in touch as a community.

Now, here's what's happening on the Conversations About Conflict front.

Washington, DC
Nick Oatley facilitated a Conversation with 14 Students for Peace in the Middle East at Georgetown University, which was well-received. A new volunteer, Kathy Deel, who works in the Emergency Response Unit of Homeland Security, is getting up to speed and is excited to help with activities in DC. We hope she'll agree to take over the coordinator role. The Conversation is also now featured on the Washington Seminar Center's website for trainings and workshops available to religious groups visiting Washington. http://www.washingtonseminarcenter.org/peacemaking.htm (we're item n. 6)

New York, NY
Kathy Vaughan and Laurie Johnson will facilitate a Conversation at Brooklyn College on May 6, organized by former Conversation participant, Loretta Chin. Another Conversation will be hosted by Kathy's workplace, The Center for Interpersonal Development, for the community later in the month. In Mount Kisco NY, Roberta Markowitz, a trained facilitator, and her partner and husband Marvin, will host a Conversation with the general membership of COPA, a peace organization, on May 25. William Hirschfeld disseminated information about Conversations About Conflict to attendees at the NY Commission on Non-violent Communities and at sessions in Crown Heights affiliated with the program on April 15th. He continues to meet with members of Riverside Church who participated in a Conversation earlier this year to explore other opportunities with the community. If you are planning a Conversation in New York, please contact Kathy Vaughan, at 718-815-4557 ext. 25 or kvaughan@nycid.org for any support you may need.

Louisville, KY
Mike Crawford facilitated a Conversation with 10 CEOs (8 men, 2 women) of some smaller businesses in the Louisville area. The participants were so engaged, the Conversation lasted 3 hours, probably our record! Contact Mike at 502-314-9977 or hmcrawford@disputes-resolved.com for more information or support in the area.

Other News
The California team, Laurie McCann and Eleanor Funk, held an information session about the Conversation at the Annual Joint Conference of the University and College Ombuds Association (OCOA) and The Ombudsman Association (TOA), which is an organization of private sector ombudspersons. More than 40 people attended, more than expected, especially with several competing sessions at the end of the conference! SFCG provided CDs of the Conversation Facilitator Guide for participants. Laurie and Eleanor discussed the concept of the Conversation and what it hopes to accomplish, provided a sample of parts of the Conversation format and facilitated a dialogue about how participants might use this tool. Among other ideas, the Conversations were seen to be useful as:

• a marketing tool for Ombuds offices



• an educational tool for facilitators



• a tool for community studies with organizations in which students are working



• a part of service learning, integrating it into training components



• a pre-ombuds intervention diagnostic tool



• a non-threatening way to address school racial issues with PTAs



• an approach to address turmoil in staffs and offices

As a result of this conference, already fifteen ombuds from universities, colleges and businesses have requested a copy of the Facilitator Guide as Laurie quickly ran out of CDs. We are busy following up with everyone and are very excited about this new addition of motivated facilitators across the country. If you are one of them reading this Newsletter for the first time, welcome to the team!

Anyone who would like to discuss doing a similar presentation, please contact your area coordinator or Nick Oatley at noatley@sfcg.org. We have Laurie and Eleanor's presentation agenda and copies of the overheads that they used could be provided.

One of the challenges identified by the participants - how to get folks to take time to attend a Conversation - was also cited as adding the most value - that people do take time out to talk about conflict. To help you address this issue, we are including below Conversation Success Stories and Setting up Conversations About Conflict from our November and December newsletters last year. The success stories are very important tools to help people understand a bit more about what the Conversation can mean in their lives. You can use them to encourage and motivate people to attend. Please send us any good quotes or anecdotes from your own Conversations.

Warm Regards,

Carole, Karen and Kate

Search for Common Ground
The Conversations About Conflict
1601 Connecticut Ave NW - Suite 200
Washington DC 20009 USA
Tel: 202 572 6289
Fax: 202 232 6718
noatley@sfcg.org
www.sfcg.org
http://www.sfcg.org/resources/training/resources_conversation.html

Some Conversation About Conflict "Success Stories"
During its first start-up year, twenty-two Conversations About Conflict were held in seventeen locations throughout the US with more than 360 participants. Below are a few stories that people have shared about how the Conversation About Conflict has impacted them.

• A psychotherapist with more than 20 years in the field said that she had a profound insight during the Conversation about a personal issue with which she had been grappling for years. Having time to reflect on it at a different level made a huge difference for her.



• The day after participating in a Conversation, a woman met with the contractor renovating her house. He told her that there was going to be yet another delay. She remembered the concept of Choice and instead of blowing up at him, asked for a minute or two to step away. Focusing on how to move forward, they then had a very productive conversation, which led to greatly improved communication and a real sense of partnership to complete the project.



• A participant had a running disagreement with his business partner. During the Conversation, he was very excited to suddenly see new options open up, a way to break the vicious cycle they'd been trapped in for months.



• A woman with a young child was getting very little sleep, both from her child awakening during the night and her husband coming to bed late, after promising her he'd join her soon. After participating in a Conversation, she was able to let go of her anger at her husband and focus on the "real" issue: how to get enough sleep.
  
  "I was energized by the dialogue. I am excited about the possibilities for the CAC. My sense is the participants emerged with new perspectives on conflict and ways to evaluate (or even improve) their personal conflict styles. I saw much learning as we worked through the Conversation…I went back and looked to the promotion pieces on the CAC. I now see that our group better understands the role of conflict in our society. You created a new awareness of conflict and of the choice we have between adversarial and cooperative approaches. Learning objective success!" Attorney and trainer after participating in a Conversation.

Setting up Conversations About Conflict
We are learning a great deal about what works and what doesn't in certain settings. We initially said that the possibilities for Conversation venues are endless - and we still believe that they are, but it is more effective to target some specific audiences first and then build out. The following groups are those who may be the easiest to approach:

• Churches/synagogues/interfaith groups - Many religious entities already have an interest and are looking for programs that can make a difference. Most of them have committees or groups of congregants who meet regularly. Riverside Church in New York for instance has formed a committee to set up Conversations in the community.



• Possible Approach: With news constantly inundating us about conflict throughout the world, it's an opportune time to look at conflict in our own backyards - in our homes, workplaces and communities. While we may feel powerless to influence what's happening around the world, we can very directly influence how conflict is handled in our own lives and environments and make a difference for ourselves and others.



• Chambers of Commerce, Rotary Clubs, etc. - These groups have weekly or monthly meetings, where a short presentation about the Conversations can be made (they are very limited in their programming time). If they express interest, a Conversation can be set up as a separate event or as part of their leadership program. We can put you in touch with facilitators who have had some experience in approaching the business sector.
  
  Possible Approach: 65% of work performance problems are due to chronic unresolved conflict. Being aware of conflict and how we handle it between management and staff and with coworkers and customers is critical for leadership success.



• College/university classes, organizations (including graduate students) and faculty - There is a natural inclination in academic settings to explore these kinds of issues. Classes, if not too large in size, provide a nice forum, although you need to know that since it's not really voluntary to attend, you may have a few resistors. Also, some student organizations (students for change, ministry groups, leadership groups, etc.) are good vehicles as well. Conversations were held at George Mason, Georgetown and Hofstra Universities.
  
  Possible Approach: Successfully dealing with conflict is one of the most important skills needed for achieving in a job. A Conversation supports participants in dealing with current conflicts that they may be experiencing with family, friends or teachers as well as helps prepare them for the work scene.



• Conflict resolution practitioners and related organizations - We have done a number of these in various locations. All have been successful. Present the Conversation as a tool to make their work and services better known. Ask them to take off their professional hat and participate at a personal level, they'll be surprised to still get insights even if they've been working in the field for years. Also, conflict resolution organizations can be as riddled with conflicts as any other!

What participants need to know in advance:

• the Conversation is free and open to all



• the Conversation is an opportunity to explore the way we deal with conflict, as individuals, as a community and as a society - it won't focus on one issue in particular



• the Conversation is not affiliated with any religious or political agenda



• the Conversation is not a training workshop



• the date, venue, times and sponsoring organization or individual facilitator

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